Overpraising a child can be a silent killer

Parenting is an intricate dance of nurturing, guiding, and supporting our children as they grow. One often overlooked aspect is how we praise them especially in front of their siblings or in public. While praise is usually seen as positive reinforcement, the way it is given can sometimes have unintended consequences, particularly for children who may not excel academically or in other areas valued by society.

Praise and its effects

As parents, we feel compelled to celebrate our children’s victories whether it’s an improved grade, a strong performance in a competition, or the mastery of a new skill. Praise not only acknowledges their efforts but also motivates them to keep striving.

The challenge, however, lies in how that praise is shared among siblings. Imagine a child who performs only averagely in academics. Despite putting in effort, their progress may seem less impressive compared to a sibling who consistently excels. When parents lavish praise on the high achievers but remain silent or less enthusiastic towards the average performer, the message is clear. This imbalance can create feelings of resentment or self-doubt, slowly eroding confidence and dampening enthusiasm for learning.

Emotional impact on children

Children who rarely receive praise may internalize feelings of inadequacy. Introverted children, in particular, may not show their hurt openly but quietly carry emotional burdens. When efforts feel unnoticed, self-worth is undermined. Over time, this can lead to reduced motivation, emotional withdrawal, or unhappiness affecting both academic progress and personal growth.

Each child’s unique journey

Every child has distinct strengths and challenges. Parents must recognize and celebrate each child’s uniqueness without resorting to comparisons. A child’s value should not be measured only by academic or extracurricular achievements. By appreciating effort in all forms, parents foster intrinsic motivation and resilience.

Constructive communication

Instead of focusing solely on outcomes, parents should engage in meaningful conversations with their children. Understanding the reasons behind performance, offering constructive feedback, and showing genuine interest in their experiences build trust. This creates an environment where children feel valued, supported, and free to express themselves.

Parental guidance and support

Beyond praise, effective parenting requires consistent guidance and emotional support. Parents should actively participate in their children’s academic journeys, discuss challenges, celebrate incremental improvements, and be present through setbacks. This involvement nurtures resilience, self-confidence, and a balanced sense of self-esteem.

A Balanced approach

Praise is a powerful parenting tool, but it must be applied with sensitivity and balance. Parents should strive to uplift all their children, regardless of achievement level. An environment where every effort is acknowledged, and every challenge is met with empathy, helps raise emotionally resilient children who can thrive both academically and personally.

This holiday season, let us reflect on our parenting roles and commit to being the steady supporters our children need. Through thoughtful praise, constructive dialogue, and unwavering presence, we can help them face challenges with confidence and embrace their unique potential.

A child’s emotional well-being and self-perception are shaped not just by what they achieve, but by how they are seen, valued, and supported by those closest to them.

The writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa, a parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship Program.